Reinventing and Reacquainting

Thinking about who I was and am and might be later

I’m probably not the only single person in their fifties who feels weird and wobbly about joining dating apps. Cringey photos, avoiding people you might know irl, being triggered by things that remind us of our exes, having to talk about ourselves like we’re selling a sofa that’s in really great shape even if the cats kind of climbed one side of it and left it a little bedraggled… But one of the things (in addition to these) that I’m running into is how hard it is to define myself in 100 words or less for the little profiles and “what I’m looking for” sections.

Turns out, I’ve always kind of been a chameleon, and taken on a lot of interests and activities based on who I was partnered with. Yep, I am one of those dreaded creatures: a People Pleaser.

But my people pleasing doesn’t come from a place of seeking approval - I truly am genuinely curious about All The Things! I’ve said before that if I won the lottery I would just go to college and travel forever. I enjoyed learning about what my partners were into and trying new activities with them. I liked to give gifts that were in line with their interests, I enjoyed watching them do the things that really inspired them and seeing them in their element. I mean, I was part of a ghost-hunting group, y’all. I go all in.

So, now that I’m out here on my own again, it’s been interesting to think about what I want to spend the next 20-30 years doing. What interests are just mine, that have been with me throughout the decades? What have I always turned to when I wanted to express myself. What makes me feel most like Laurie?

So when they ask about my interests on those apps, I could literally check almost every box they offer. That seems less than ideal if I’m wanting narrow the field, right? On one app I was browsing recently I only left maybe three or four options unchecked. Sailing, something to do with the beach, I think, cars, and I don’t remember the other… probably sports. Everything else, I’m game.

The other challenge is that I tend to overwrite anytime I’m given unlimited words and space. It’s one of the reasons I really like writing flash fiction - it forces brevity. Distilling a story down to its essence by replacing words and relying on the reader to fill in blanks via implication is a challenge that never fails to excite me.

But how do I distill 58 years of me?? LOL

I’m thinking that I have to look at the idea of dating like I’m curating a collection of connected flash fiction - each piece reveals a little more about the overall story, pulls the reader a little deeper into the world being created. In the same way, a dating app bio is the first story, then comes the texts and phone calls, and eventually, dates. If you’re doing it right, your reader - or date - wants to keep turning the page.

Is it normal for writers to evaluate everything in life according to who they are as writers? I’m assuming it’s not that unusual, but even if it is, I guess I don’t mind being a little unusual. :)